Seserahan, or The Most Fun Part of Javanese Wedding Prep

Seserahan (peningset, hantaran) is one of the most familiar tradition in Javanese wedding. In this tradition, soon to be groom (SG) is expected to buy presents for the soon to be bride (SB). The presents consist of stuffs which will be useful for SB in her future every day life.

Seserahan is different from Mahr (mahar), since it's purely adat. The philosophy behind this custom can be drawn from the word "peningset" which in return was developed from the word "singset". Singset or "to tie up" - like other carefully selected Javanese term for important events - has the hope to tie two families up through a marriage. The philosophical meaning is symbolized through the presents carefully selected for the SB. Materialistic enough? In Javanese tradition, seserahan also can be seen as a proof of SG's ability to provide living for his future family, and to show his good will.

The Seserahan amount is varied from one place to another. For example Sundanese (West Java) marriage usually requires the SGs to pay fully for the wedding and the amount of seserahan as told by SBs. In my case, I am a Solonese, and here in Solo, usually it's not decided as a dead price. We allow the SGs to maneuvre through their budget. In the past, SBs even let SG's family to do all the shopping and just present it at the night before wedding. But nowadays, in the name of practicality (oh how I like it), many SGs would just let their SBs to shop within budget, since seserahan stuffs are meant for them to have and use. And believe me, I and my fiancee are not one but very very practical couple ;-).

Common seserahan consists of :

1. Prayer clothes, sajadah, Mushaf Al Qur'an, tasbih)

2. Kebaya fabric, Jarik fabric (Wahyu Tumurun or Sido Asih pattern), clutch, sandals

3. Jewelry (necklace, ear rings, bracelet, ring, watch)

4. Lingerie, panties, bras

5. Working clothes, hijab, bag, shoes

6. Daily clothes (long dress), hijab, bag, sandals

7. Toilettries (Towels, shower equipment)

8. Hair care, hairdryer, hair straightening iron (it's Asian thing)

9. Make up, Skin care regiment, perfume(s)

10. Fruits Parcel

11. Cake

12. Food parcel

13&14. Pair of pisang raja (banana :p)

The number, according to tradition has to be odd. And things mentioned above, especially in Solo tradition is not a dead price. It can be less or more. Jewelry, for example is often used as Mahr. A friend of mine asked her hubby to buy a laptop as part of seserahan, and the other one even explicitly ask for a washing machine, for she told me that she hates doing laundry by hand, lol. I am thinking of nice addition which can make my seserahan also felt personal. Maybe since I am a book worm, I should ask my Yts to buy me books. But it's kinda absurd, since soon I will be moving to Ireland, and he promised to load my iPad with e-books.

The wedding is still in few months, but I already shop some items from the list. It's for the sake of shopping getting things done asap, of course. Another interesting part, is of course the wrapping of the gifts. Since my Yts lives so far away, I have to take care everything myself. And I decide that artistic creativity is never my strong point (hello hello, that beautiful parafin ashtray which successfully gotten me an A at fifth grade? that's my dad). So this wrapping business must be given to third party.

One hundred meter to the east from Agus Bridal, there's a gift wrapping kiosk, named Griya Kado. I went there to see their stuff, and it's all I can ever want: elegant, artistic, and not too tacky. Here are examples of their work :

Copyright : Griya Kado

Copyright : Griya Kado

Copyright: Griya Kado

The staffs are really helpful. They explain patiently, as if I am not the zillionth SB who came to ask details and stupid questions. The wrapping price if you use their box: Rp 30,000,- and if you bring your own box: Rp 35.000,-. They also provide the box with your own choice of colored wrapper without additional charge. I will take a picture of my Seserahan, after all wrapped. For now, I will try to enjoy while it last; the luxury of spending without thinking.. (too much).

Seserahan Wrapping Vendor

Griya Kado

Jalan Samanhudi 12 Mangkuyudan Solo

Phone (0271)7970889

Compromise, Compromise

What's worse than a mad Bridezilla? It's two mad and tired Bridezillas!

Only recently I went to my bestfriend/partner in crime, Ade's house. I drove through the hectic traffic with plastic bags on every sides of my motorcycle. I planned to take Ade to go to Griya Kado which is located at Jalan Samanhudi 12 Mangkuyudan Solo (review later), and these plastic bags contains seserahan stuff I've been collecting since last month. It's been a while since I visited her house and met her mother. We talked for a while, and then I started to hear arguement over the phone between Ade, her mother, and her father on the line. Deng deng... (insert heart-wrenching sinetron music background here).

Wedding, is an event of a lifetime. Girls are prone to having certain ideas of the perfect wedding even as early as they were five years old (this is true). Some have this ideas of a ruffy frilly wedding gown with one hundred meter long tail (actually it's this certain girl who watched in awe on her black and white TV, the Lady Diana's royal wedding --> aka, me), others have this ideas about her perfect princess like themed wedding just like the one Cinderella had after she won her half glass shoes back, and who knows what else.

When finally facing the actual wedding preparation, only little they knew that it's like stumbled upon Dorothy's whirlwind. So many little details that must be taken care of, so many stresses, so many idealisms that must be put aside, to put in other word: compromise at its best. Back to Ade's problem, she has changed her wedding date three times. And it's about to be changed again, because her father insisted to invite this famous Ustadz to give tausiyah in her wedding day. Said ustadz has this busy schedule, and so they have to move a day earlier than original date. For her father, inviting this certain famous ustadz is the ideal. For Ade, this is stupid, since there are lots and lots other capable ustadz who are not as busy as her father's choice. But since I know that in her family, the ultimate figure with every veto right is his dad, then she has no say in this. I can tell how miserable and upset she was from her look. It's understandable. Imagine all the vendors that needs to be re-contacted.

Copyright: Wedding Crowd

As for me, things are no different. I struggle a lot not to raise my voice toward my parents, because even if they are impossible at times, they are parents, and parents are... well... parents. My dad's eccentricity, my mother's short temper, my sister's indifference, all adds to color this wedding preparation of mine. From the decision of wedding date, the choosing of venue, reception concept, all went through some kind of arguements. So far score two for my dad for deciding the wedding date and his beskap lurik for siraman, score two for me, deciding the reception concept and venue, score ten for mom to somehow finding flaws in every option (lol, good for self-check). But in the end, it shows our values and cooperation as one family.

Of course I am sad that my Yts is so far away. No one will drive me to shop for seserahan, check for venue, do food tasting, see the tailor, print the invitation, etc (it's usually the other way around, I drive my mom everywhere). But of course he gives me quite moral boost everyday. And always helpful and fast in handing this details or others I require from him (Sayang, if you read this, please send me photos soon, kiss ^_^). And in top of that, I don't think I can handle another requirements as detail and demanding as those who has their in laws + family live near. Other brides are usually able to cope, since they hand all the work to parents. But no such case in my family.

Chinese parents are known to avoid having daughter in laws who were born in the Tiger year. Maybe it has some truth to it. As I often joke with my fellow Tigress friend, we are no good daughter in law materials, since we are often rebellious, perfectionist and idealist. So it's particularly hard for me to see one by one, my wedding dream shattered to pieces just so I can cope with the grand scheme.

How wonderful it would be if everything could always be as clear and simple as it used to be when you were twelve years old, or twenty years old. If there really were only two colors in the world: black and white. But in the end, it doesn't really matter, I guess, as long as this will bring us beautiful result.

Ask for what you want and be prepared to get it. ~ Maya Angelou